Making the Bed While the House is on Fire

The voice interrupting my doomscrolling comes from a social media post by a podcast I don’t listen to. The hosts are sharing invented phrases, and one laughingly presents “Making the bed while the house is on fire: Focusing on inconsequential things when there’s a bigger problem that needs attention.”

But what else can I do?

To stave off a panic attack before work, I scrub last night’s sink full of dishes. I attend my son’s IEP meeting, and wonder if the contents of this plan will even be enforceable come Fall. I eye the clock while double-checking our family’s essential documents - even as democracy crumbles, school pickup time is immutable. Motherhood's already unconquerable to-do list now includes emergency exit plans alongside mundane household maintenance - "just in case." There’s a surreal disconnect between the machinations of our daily life and the looming threat of… well, everything. At least it feels like everything these days. The details of those threats are piped into my home via a handheld screen in real-time. Exhausted-looking faces report breaking news every hour, every minute, and and each sound bite is as terrifying as the last:

“-footage from the tense standoff underway outside of the USAid building-”

“-introduced HR722, which would effectively ban abortion at the federal level-”

“-plans approved for an immigrant detention center at Guantanamo Bay-”

“-CHLA now pausing therapies for transgender patients under 19-”

“I just left the L.A. County Passport Office.” This time it’s not a reporter. She’s a frightened looking woman in a mask, filming herself talking while hurrying up a city street. The staffers won’t give her a renewed passport, even with the “M” gender marker that matches her birth certificate. They have her identifying documents, and are claiming they can’t give them back. My blood runs cold. My blood runs cold a half-dozen times a day.

I’m answering emails while "they" debate the validity of my marriage.

I'm scheduling meetings while my neighbors are being deported; Cooking dinner while wondering who’s next.

I’m making the bed when the house is on fire.