Embryo Donation Terminology

The following are a few common EDA terms I use (and some I don't)! Every family (and every donor-recipient relationship) is different. You may want to use different terms based on your donation arrangement or religious beliefs, or simply because it feels "right.'" You do you! Hopefully reading about my family's thought process will help you make decisions of your own.

Auntie / Tía - For both families (our donors’ and our own), these are terms we would use to refer to any adult we and our kids have a close relationship with. It’s a title reserved not only for our siblings, but for our best friends and close community members. It’s a natural way to convey the importance of the relationship we all have with our donors.

Cousin - I prefer the term genetic sibling or donor sibling. We may use the term “dibling” until our kids are old enough to form their own language around the topic (I have heard some donor-conceived adults express a dislike for terms that come off as cutesy or baby-ish, and I expect that our language will change as they grow).

Adoption - The term “adoption” can be helpful when explaining the process to those who might otherwise struggle to understand. This is a child who will not be genetically related to their parents, but will be loved and wanted all the same. I’ve had people initially be confused about why we wouldn’t use genetic material from at least one of the intended parents. Often, I know that the person expressing confusion would never say the same thing to an adoptive parent, and the comparison in that context can help. However, even in that context, I'll say something like "some people call it Embryo Adoption," because I do not personally consider it to be an adoption. Yes, much like an adoptive family, the force that joins us will be love - not genetics. However, I don’t think we need to use the language of a situation that doesn’t apply in order to express that. Sami and I both come from very close, very blended families - and our family bonds to siblings or parents have always transcended genetic qualifiers like “Half” or “Step.” We are simply family.

Bio / First / Donor Parents - Once again, I anticipate that our children will form their own opinions and preferences regarding terminology - and some donor-conceived adults prefer titles like “Genetic Mom” or “Donor Dad.” They argue that while their parents used donors, they had no choice in the matter, and it feels more correct to use biologically accurate terms. Our children will be able to make these choices for themselves as they grow. They will be taught about their conception as early as possible - and our donors are an essential part of that story - but I want it to be clear that my spouse and I will be the only people parenting our children.

Snowflake Baby - this one kind of tickles me, actually. As someone who is deeply invested in social justice, I have been accused of being a “snowflake” myself more than once. I love that snowflakes have become an emblem of the EDA community - because our children are natural, beautiful, unique, and… formerly frozen. I think it’s sweet and harmless, and unlike other terms (see: Embaby) it doesn't make my skin crawl. In fact, I like the terms so much, I make Snowflake Family pride merchandise for our Teespring site!

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Are you involved in EDA (as a donor, recipient, or resulting human being)? What are some of your favorite and least favorite terms?